September 2016 – tiffany nicole fletcher

We are one week away from the official start of fall. Fall is my favorite season, but it does remind me of the times when changes sweep through our lives. One day I’ll feel like I’m wading through sauna-like heat and then the leaves are suddenly changing color and falling from the trees, chilly winds whisper of the coming winter, and the days are shortening, calling us in to warmth and rest.

It seems like most of us fear change or resist it somehow, even feeling fear and anxiety about change in other people’s lives. We harbor this secret wish that things would just stay the same, that our lives would be one endless summer.

But then we wouldn’t grow. Growth requires change—the whole cosmos is in on this being the way things work.

Sometimes, the changes involve letting go or leaving. Don’t we judge ourselves and others most harshly for those changes? Don’t we resist those the most? We all love to gain things, but to lose things, even by choice…we fight against it to the end. And yet, some things need to end; fall tells us this. Autumn is the season where nature unburdens herself—shouldn’t we allow ourselves to do the same?

Letting go is part of how we curate our lives

Letting go is part of how we curate our lives. Even with all of my creative outlets, I know that my life is the most important work of art I will ever create. Working with God, I get to design it; like an artist, I get to make decisions about what to leave in and what to take out or let go of.

Throughout the course of my life so far, I’ve needed to let go of far more than I’ve ever needed to acquire. I’ve learned that the thing that will make the true difference in my life is the person I am. That person, that character, has actually been shaped largely by what I’ve chosen to let go of, by what I’ve said “no” to so that I can say “yes” some other way of being.

The trees have to let go of their present leaves in order to get the fresh ones that will appear the following spring. To grow as a person, I’ve had to let go of many things: harmful or limiting beliefs, societal pressures, fear of what others think, unhealthy eating habits, fear of change and the unknown, unfulfilling or unhealthy connections, toxic environments, trusting in other things and people above my trust in God, specific expectations for what I thought my life would be like, and countless others.

These are big shifts, but I welcome them even if they involve struggle because I know that my life won’t be all that God and I intend for it to be unless I am willing to go through—and sometimes initiate—change at certain points. When I reflect on the fall season, I realize that there is beauty in all of the shifts. It’s as if God is saying through nature, “Let go and trust. Be willing to stand bare for awhile. Your spring will come, just as sure as the changing seasons! Trust me enough to let go now.”

Trust life enough to let go now.

Honoring your changes

We don’t have many rituals in our culture for celebrating and honoring choices to let go of things; we usually celebrate when people get things (like babies, spouses, homes, and jobs).

Imagine how affirming and encouraging it would be to honor and mark our choices to let go! Below I offer a ritual for celebrating the courageous choice to make a change or to let go when that is what you need to do. The ritual can be done alone or supported by others (see instructions). It’s so simple that you could take a few moments to say it with a friend while meeting over coffee (the candle lighting is optional). I would love to hear how you use it.

The bold words are for you, the person letting go. If you’re doing this ritual in community, the italicized words are to be recited by those who accompany you. If you’re comfortable with it, invite them to hold your hand or place their hand on you (or if you have a larger group of people they can surround you in a circle) as you recite these words:

optional: candle

A Simple Autumn Ritual for Letting Go

*Begin with a few moments of silence.

I celebrate my courage today. (*Light candle.)

I/We celebrate __(your name)___’s courage today.

Today, I am choosing to let go of _____(name the change you are making)_____.

Your leaves are changing color.

My leaves are changing color.

I am letting go of ___(say the change you are making)____

to gain ___(say what this change will make possible for you)_____.

My leaves are falling away.

Your leaves are falling away.

But God is with me in this change.

God is with you in this change.

I am supported in this change.

I/We support you as you make this change.

I can weather this season; I will grow new leaves before long.

The One who loves you is renewing your life daily.

All of my needs will be met.

Your needs are met.

Everyone: All is well.

(*Extinguish candle.)

Image Credits via Stocksnap (in order):
Jeffrey Betts
Agnieszka Bladzik
Heather Wilson Smith

Poetry saves my life daily. Whether writing or reading it, I find that poems capture the experience of life in a way that our everyday sentences and conversations cannot.

When I’m going through challenging periods, poems soothe my spirit and give me strength. I’ll carry a book of poems in my bag to read throughout the day. The softness of the particular way poetry explores and articulates experience speaks to a deeper part of me.

This week, the book of poems in my bag was Mary Oliver’s Why I Wake Early, which is full of so much beauty. Her words in the poem “The Old Poets of China” about the world offering her its busyness not believing that she doesn’t want it, struck a chord with me. Oliver’s poems celebrate the beauty of the natural world—I read them and I am transported far from my crowded subway car to a place where I’m inside the poem with her, considering the patience and faith of the lily or staring up into the face of a bronze-shouldered owl. Poems are necessary.

In “Sister Outsider: essays and speeches” Audre Lorde says,

For women, then, poetry is not a luxury. It is a vital necessity of our existence. It forms the quality of the light within which we predicate our hopes and dreams toward survival and change, first made into language, then into idea, then into more tangible action.

She says that through poetry, we “help give name to the nameless so it can be thought.” Poetry helps us to know and accept feelings hidden deep within, which then gives rise to inspired, informed action in our lives.

In this way poetry is a potent kind of “practical magic” that keeps us in touch with ourselves, hearing the movements of our spirit that we might not have uncovered otherwise. If we have the courage to let ourselves write the poems and then pay attention to what they tell us, that is.

Poetry is a vital part of my daily life now. I write poems, I carry other people’s poems. Sometimes I dream poems. Poems are also, as Audre Lorde said, directing me to “tangible action” as I listen to the messages in the ones I write.

I can accomplish almost anything with the right poem in my heart.

Below is a poem of my own that has been a talisman for me lately. I pray that you find—or have the courage to let yourself write—the poem you need, the poem that will surely guide you forward. xo

Life Cycle of Stars and Women

by Tiffany Nicole Fletcher

Don’t listen when they try to tell you
that your glory must look like sacrifice.
There was only one and you are not Him
You are here now to go beyond,
To be free,
To walk light
To explore belonging to yourself
first
To be foremost your own
And to know joy.

You will give what you are—
Give your children your
love your joy your heart your freedom your hope your being sure of inherent worth your divinity your spirit your light
your neverendingness,
your eternal heart.

You must keep going
you must die you must come to the end of yourself
you must locate your freedom and hold on
you must let yourself be remade.

You must know yourself as you were on the first day and still are:
innocent, free of what they have done, stripped of any regret,
new
and timeless,
starlight burning off the excess with every breath—
constantly healing, regenerative beauty,
formed by God for this time—
for right where you are,
nothing a mistake.

image: Freestocks.org/Stocksnap

Navigating Big Shifts: The Season of Letting Go

Letting go is part of how we curate our lives

Honoring your changes

A Simple Autumn Ritual for Letting Go

Poetry is Not a Luxury

Life Cycle of Stars and Women