by Tiffany Nicole Fletcher
***
There is
the belief that freed you—
Bright and shining,
this is the new sight
we sing of.
The veil fallen
now every cloud parted, and
there is only the empowered you left.
The you that is unshackled.
The you that has no intention
of turning back.
I read a quote a few months ago and it has stayed with me. Richard Rohr writes:
“We cannot change the world except insofar as we have changed ourselves. We can only give away who we are. We can only offer to others what God has done in us. We have no real mental or logical answers. We must be an answer. We only know the other side of the journeys that we have made ourselves…All the conflicts and contradictions of life must find a resolution in us before we can resolve anything outside ourselves. Only the forgiven can forgive, only the healed can heal, only those who stand daily in need of mercy can offer mercy to others. At first it sounds simplistic and even individualistic, but it is precisely such transformed people who can finally effect profound and long-lasting social change.”
In this quote, I found the expression of my motivation for the work I have devoted my life to. We stand in the midst of a world in tremendous need of healing, social change, relational repair, and transformation of systems of power. But every broken system that exists is simply the sum of the people in it, and so it is my belief that our hope for a better world will be found starting at the individual level.
We must start with ourselves. The things that bother us about the world or other people are likely a call first to us, to become the change we wish to see. To embody it first within our own lives. And then, as Richard Rohr says, we become capable of truly creating change. What sense does it make to work to change the larger world in some way if we haven’t first sought to effect that specific change in our own life? It’s there that often requires the most courage.
I believe that we are all called to effect healing in some way within our sphere of influence and that we are given daily opportunities to do this. We are called to attend to our own healing, and then to be agents of love within our relationships and in the community where we find ourselves. (Which we will automatically be if we have effected transformation within ourselves.) If everyone attended to their sphere of influence in this way, the world would certainly be renewed.
Transformed people will transform the world. But changing ourselves is not easy; it might be the hardest work we ever do. Which is why everyone isn’t rushing to do it. It’s easier to chase other things. But I know that it is possible, that it is necessary, and that there is freedom to be found when we are able to access the healing our life is calling us to. When we find that healing, we not only bring ourselves to a better place, we also advance our family, our community, our ancestry, our bloodline, and the world as a whole. This is the real work of our lives. We can acquire titles, money, and fame, but those things cannot accomplish this work for us. The healing we need will still be there in the background of our lives until we address it.
Spiritual practices like meditation and prayer do help us heal and change. There is healing to be found, even though our personal and societal challenges can often seem dark and intractable. There is healing available and when you start seeking after it, you will see that the love of God is constantly conspiring to help you bring it to pass. God is near.
*Quote source: Richard Rohr’s Daily Meditation, “There is Nothing to Regret (God Uses Everything in Our Favor,” June 12, 2017, Center for Action and Contemplation.
Surrender can be one of the hardest things to do. Yet, it is one of the most powerful and effective spiritual postures there is. We are not meant to carry our burdens alone; we are meant to partner with God (the Divine, Spirit, Goddess – whatever you call your Higher Power or the Source of all Being) as we face the burdens of life, turning over our troubles to God regularly lest we become weighed down from trying to carry more than we are able to. Life involves challenge, which is hard on the spirit, so we must also have a regular means of release and cleansing for our spirit. Surrender is more than necessary.
We are not meant to carry our burdens alone.
The action of surrender is a choice. It’s an inner decision to release and let go, willfully handing things over to the God who loves us, to that which surely desires what is best for us. God can be trusted. And even if you don’t have trust in God, you can still surrender. It is not a feeling or some miraculous moment where the heavens will part, as much as it is a decision. You can keep on choosing it over and over again, as many times as you need to in order to maintain your peace. It’s an action we are meant to take regularly—even several times a day.
It can be helpful to use imagery or tactile methods to symbolize your act of surrendering. For example:
Whatever the method, surrender often.
Whatever the method, surrender often. Many of us are carrying around (and being weighed down by) things we needed to surrender a long time ago. Outdated beliefs, untrue ideas about ourselves and/or others, pain from the past, baggage from past relationships, unprocessed loss, etc. The less we surrender on a regular basis, the more these things will build up.
We tend to resist surrender. Perhaps because the very act of surrender is affirmation of the uncomfortable truth that there is much we aren’t in control of in life. It’s often easier to believe that we are fully responsible when bad things happen in our lives (that it’s because we have failed in some way), because that idea at least maintains that we are in complete control. The truth is that we only have so much agency. There are forces beyond our control, things far beyond our understanding.
Do you want to access the peace of God? Surrender that which is beyond your control.
Surrender can be hard, but it ultimately brings peace. Do you want to access the peace of God? Surrender that which is beyond your control. One of the best prayers I’ve ever heard is simply: “You are God and I am not.” Surrender puts you in your rightful place in relation to God. We are not meant to live as if we have the full power of God. We are meant to do what we can and then release the rest to the Great Knowing, the Comforter, the one who longs to help us and give us peace.
We are one week away from the official start of fall. Fall is my favorite season, but it does remind me of the times when changes sweep through our lives. One day I’ll feel like I’m wading through sauna-like heat and then the leaves are suddenly changing color and falling from the trees, chilly winds whisper of the coming winter, and the days are shortening, calling us in to warmth and rest.
It seems like most of us fear change or resist it somehow, even feeling fear and anxiety about change in other people’s lives. We harbor this secret wish that things would just stay the same, that our lives would be one endless summer.
But then we wouldn’t grow. Growth requires change—the whole cosmos is in on this being the way things work.
Sometimes, the changes involve letting go or leaving. Don’t we judge ourselves and others most harshly for those changes? Don’t we resist those the most? We all love to gain things, but to lose things, even by choice…we fight against it to the end. And yet, some things need to end; fall tells us this. Autumn is the season where nature unburdens herself—shouldn’t we allow ourselves to do the same?
Letting go is part of how we curate our lives. Even with all of my creative outlets, I know that my life is the most important work of art I will ever create. Working with God, I get to design it; like an artist, I get to make decisions about what to leave in and what to take out or let go of.
Throughout the course of my life so far, I’ve needed to let go of far more than I’ve ever needed to acquire. I’ve learned that the thing that will make the true difference in my life is the person I am. That person, that character, has actually been shaped largely by what I’ve chosen to let go of, by what I’ve said “no” to so that I can say “yes” some other way of being.
The trees have to let go of their present leaves in order to get the fresh ones that will appear the following spring. To grow as a person, I’ve had to let go of many things: harmful or limiting beliefs, societal pressures, fear of what others think, unhealthy eating habits, fear of change and the unknown, unfulfilling or unhealthy connections, toxic environments, trusting in other things and people above my trust in God, specific expectations for what I thought my life would be like, and countless others.
These are big shifts, but I welcome them even if they involve struggle because I know that my life won’t be all that God and I intend for it to be unless I am willing to go through—and sometimes initiate—change at certain points. When I reflect on the fall season, I realize that there is beauty in all of the shifts. It’s as if God is saying through nature, “Let go and trust. Be willing to stand bare for awhile. Your spring will come, just as sure as the changing seasons! Trust me enough to let go now.”
Trust life enough to let go now.
We don’t have many rituals in our culture for celebrating and honoring choices to let go of things; we usually celebrate when people get things (like babies, spouses, homes, and jobs).
Imagine how affirming and encouraging it would be to honor and mark our choices to let go! Below I offer a ritual for celebrating the courageous choice to make a change or to let go when that is what you need to do. The ritual can be done alone or supported by others (see instructions). It’s so simple that you could take a few moments to say it with a friend while meeting over coffee (the candle lighting is optional). I would love to hear how you use it.
The bold words are for you, the person letting go. If you’re doing this ritual in community, the italicized words are to be recited by those who accompany you. If you’re comfortable with it, invite them to hold your hand or place their hand on you (or if you have a larger group of people they can surround you in a circle) as you recite these words:
optional: candle
*Begin with a few moments of silence.
I celebrate my courage today. (*Light candle.)
I/We celebrate __(your name)___’s courage today.
Today, I am choosing to let go of _____(name the change you are making)_____.
Your leaves are changing color.
My leaves are changing color.
I am letting go of ___(say the change you are making)____
to gain ___(say what this change will make possible for you)_____.
My leaves are falling away.
Your leaves are falling away.
But God is with me in this change.
God is with you in this change.
I am supported in this change.
I/We support you as you make this change.
I can weather this season; I will grow new leaves before long.
The One who loves you is renewing your life daily.
All of my needs will be met.
Your needs are met.
Everyone: All is well.
(*Extinguish candle.)
Image Credits via Stocksnap (in order):
Jeffrey Betts
Agnieszka Bladzik
Heather Wilson Smith