tiffany nicole fletcher

Nature, Personal Growth, Rituals and Celebrations

Navigating Big Shifts: The Season of Letting Go

We are one week away from the official start of fall. Fall is my favorite season, but it does remind me of the times when changes sweep through our lives. One day I’ll feel like I’m wading through sauna-like heat and then the leaves are suddenly changing color and falling from the trees, chilly winds whisper of the coming winter, and the days are shortening, calling us in to warmth and rest.

It seems like most of us fear change or resist it somehow, even feeling fear and anxiety about change in other people’s lives. We harbor this secret wish that things would just stay the same, that our lives would be one endless summer.

But then we wouldn’t grow. Growth requires change—the whole cosmos is in on this being the way things work.

Sometimes, the changes involve letting go or leaving. Don’t we judge ourselves and others most harshly for those changes? Don’t we resist those the most? We all love to gain things, but to lose things, even by choice…we fight against it to the end. And yet, some things need to end; fall tells us this. Autumn is the season where nature unburdens herself—shouldn’t we allow ourselves to do the same?

Letting go is part of how we curate our lives

Letting go is part of how we curate our lives. Even with all of my creative outlets, I know that my life is the most important work of art I will ever create. Working with God, I get to design it; like an artist, I get to make decisions about what to leave in and what to take out or let go of.

Throughout the course of my life so far, I’ve needed to let go of far more than I’ve ever needed to acquire. I’ve learned that the thing that will make the true difference in my life is the person I am. That person, that character, has actually been shaped largely by what I’ve chosen to let go of, by what I’ve said “no” to so that I can say “yes” some other way of being.

The trees have to let go of their present leaves in order to get the fresh ones that will appear the following spring. To grow as a person, I’ve had to let go of many things: harmful or limiting beliefs, societal pressures, fear of what others think, unhealthy eating habits, fear of change and the unknown, unfulfilling or unhealthy connections, toxic environments, trusting in other things and people above my trust in God, specific expectations for what I thought my life would be like, and countless others.

These are big shifts, but I welcome them even if they involve struggle because I know that my life won’t be all that God and I intend for it to be unless I am willing to go through—and sometimes initiate—change at certain points. When I reflect on the fall season, I realize that there is beauty in all of the shifts. It’s as if God is saying through nature, “Let go and trust. Be willing to stand bare for awhile. Your spring will come, just as sure as the changing seasons! Trust me enough to let go now.”

Trust life enough to let go now.

Honoring your changes

We don’t have many rituals in our culture for celebrating and honoring choices to let go of things; we usually celebrate when people get things (like babies, spouses, homes, and jobs).

Imagine how affirming and encouraging it would be to honor and mark our choices to let go! Below I offer a ritual for celebrating the courageous choice to make a change or to let go when that is what you need to do. The ritual can be done alone or supported by others (see instructions). It’s so simple that you could take a few moments to say it with a friend while meeting over coffee (the candle lighting is optional). I would love to hear how you use it.

The bold words are for you, the person letting go. If you’re doing this ritual in community, the italicized words are to be recited by those who accompany you. If you’re comfortable with it, invite them to hold your hand or place their hand on you (or if you have a larger group of people they can surround you in a circle) as you recite these words:

optional: candle

A Simple Autumn Ritual for Letting Go

*Begin with a few moments of silence.

I celebrate my courage today. (*Light candle.)

I/We celebrate __(your name)___’s courage today.

Today, I am choosing to let go of _____(name the change you are making)_____.

Your leaves are changing color.

My leaves are changing color.

I am letting go of ___(say the change you are making)____

to gain ___(say what this change will make possible for you)_____.

My leaves are falling away.

Your leaves are falling away.

But God is with me in this change.

God is with you in this change.

I am supported in this change.

I/We support you as you make this change.

I can weather this season; I will grow new leaves before long.

The One who loves you is renewing your life daily.

All of my needs will be met.

Your needs are met.

Everyone: All is well.

(*Extinguish candle.)

Image Credits via Stocksnap (in order):
Jeffrey Betts
Agnieszka Bladzik
Heather Wilson Smith

Poetry

Poetry is Not a Luxury

Poetry saves my life daily. Whether writing or reading it, I find that poems capture the experience of life in a way that our everyday sentences and conversations cannot.

When I’m going through challenging periods, poems soothe my spirit and give me strength. I’ll carry a book of poems in my bag to read throughout the day. The softness of the particular way poetry explores and articulates experience speaks to a deeper part of me.

This week, the book of poems in my bag was Mary Oliver’s Why I Wake Early, which is full of so much beauty. Her words in the poem “The Old Poets of China” about the world offering her its busyness not believing that she doesn’t want it, struck a chord with me. Oliver’s poems celebrate the beauty of the natural world—I read them and I am transported far from my crowded subway car to a place where I’m inside the poem with her, considering the patience and faith of the lily or staring up into the face of a bronze-shouldered owl. Poems are necessary.

In “Sister Outsider: essays and speeches” Audre Lorde says,

For women, then, poetry is not a luxury. It is a vital necessity of our existence. It forms the quality of the light within which we predicate our hopes and dreams toward survival and change, first made into language, then into idea, then into more tangible action.

She says that through poetry, we “help give name to the nameless so it can be thought.” Poetry helps us to know and accept feelings hidden deep within, which then gives rise to inspired, informed action in our lives.

In this way poetry is a potent kind of “practical magic” that keeps us in touch with ourselves, hearing the movements of our spirit that we might not have uncovered otherwise. If we have the courage to let ourselves write the poems and then pay attention to what they tell us, that is.

Poetry is a vital part of my daily life now. I write poems, I carry other people’s poems. Sometimes I dream poems. Poems are also, as Audre Lorde said, directing me to “tangible action” as I listen to the messages in the ones I write.

I can accomplish almost anything with the right poem in my heart.

Below is a poem of my own that has been a talisman for me lately. I pray that you find—or have the courage to let yourself write—the poem you need, the poem that will surely guide you forward. xo

Life Cycle of Stars and Women

by Tiffany Nicole Fletcher

Don’t listen when they try to tell you
that your glory must look like sacrifice.
There was only one and you are not Him
You are here now to go beyond,
To be free,
To walk light
To explore belonging to yourself
first
To be foremost your own
And to know joy.

You will give what you are—
Give your children your
love your joy your heart your freedom your hope your being sure of inherent worth your divinity your spirit your light
your neverendingness,
your eternal heart.

You must keep going
you must die you must come to the end of yourself
you must locate your freedom and hold on
you must let yourself be remade.

You must know yourself as you were on the first day and still are:
innocent, free of what they have done, stripped of any regret,
new
and timeless,
starlight burning off the excess with every breath—
constantly healing, regenerative beauty,
formed by God for this time—
for right where you are,
nothing a mistake.

image: Freestocks.org/Stocksnap

Art as Devotion, Poetry, Psalms project, Spiritual Practice, Spirituality

The Psalms Project: How it All Began

The poetry series I call ” The Psalms Project” began by chance. I was looking to fill the time while waiting in a coffee shop one day, when I had the random idea to try and paraphrase a psalm using my own language. I opened the Bible app on my phone, took out a tiny notebook I keep in my bag, and started.

The idea had never occurred to me before, but once I started doing it I realized what a powerful method it is for fostering a deeper understanding of the sacred text and intimacy with God. There is the way the Psalms have been written (and translated many times over throughout time), but each time I do this exercise, I discover what the words mean to me personally. It’s also a super-fun exercise for those of us who love to play with words!

So the poems you see under the category “Psalms Project” are the result of my reflection on (and sometimes wrestling with) the personal meaning of psalms that have spoken to me at a particular point in time. I love this exercise and I have found so much joy and solace in being able to refer to these reimagined psalms as my own prayers to God.

Here is another one I wrote, a paraphrase of the oft-recited Corinthians passage about love – one of my favorites!

Love Can Be Trusted
[A Paraphrase of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8]

by Tiffany Nicole Fletcher

Love is willing to wait,
love gives the best of itself.
It does not covet what others have,
It is not self-obsessed,
it is able to confess when it is wrong.
It does not take joy in things that separate it from God, but seeks and delights in full communion.
It is forever watching over,
forever believing in,
forever certain of coming good,
forever holding on.
Love can be trusted.

Have you ever tried to paraphrase the Psalms? I’d love to hear about your experience!

image credit: Aaron Burden/StockSnap

Breathwork, Nature, Spiritual Practice, Spirituality

My Favorite Spiritual Practices: Part II

In my previous post, I shared some of my favorite spiritual practices. These are very specific to who I am and to what fosters my personal connection to God. In thinking about potential spiritual practices for yourself, it can help to think about who you are and what resonates with you.

What do you respond to most powerfully in your life: sound, smell, touch, sight? Reading, listening, talking, stillness? If you react powerfully and in a positive way to smell, you might incorporate aromatherapy into your spiritual practices. If you’ve felt most connected to God through sound, you might want to try regular music practice or have sound baths, which I describe below.

If you don’t know what would be best, pick something and try it. God is ever-present, and will meet you at your moment of seeking.

Here are the rest of my favorite spiritual practices:

Breathwork

I first learned about breathwork through yoga, where it is called pranayama, and then through singing, where you do breathing exercises as part of strengthening the muscles used to sing. Breathwork seems simple; after all, we’re breathing all the time. But it’s a very powerful, healing practice that can release tension, remove emotional baggage, relieve stress, and connect us to our inner-knowing. I haven’t done it as a regular spiritual practice, but I have a hunch that it would probably be life-changing if I did. Breathwork is a practice of surrender.

My favorite breathing exercise is alternate nostril breathing.

Sound baths

My personal “sound baths” are when I put my headphones on, lay down in a comfortable position, and play music that is soothing, nourishing, relaxing, and/or healing to me (sometimes it’s classical piano music, sometimes it’s gospel or worship music, sometimes it’s 90’s R&B!). I pick music for what I need in that moment and then relax and let the music wash over me. Music is truly healing.

Spending time in nature

Nature is a healer, and God is in her. Whenever I spend time under green trees, in wide open space, near mountains or sea, or outside with the sun warming my skin, I feel the divine presence and I leave renewed. It’s such a simple cure that I often forget it. With New York’s hot and muggy summers and frigid winters, it can sometimes be a challenge to spend significant amounts of time outside comfortably but when I do, the benefits are immediate and lasting.

Go outside. Find a patch of grass. Remove your shoes. Sink your bare feet into the grass. Enjoy. Repeat often!

Self-blessing

We don’t realize the power of our own words. We have the power to bless or curse ourselves by the words we speak and it is very healing to speak affirming, uplifting words about ourselves and our lives. Self-blessing is not about trying to speak words like a spell to achieve a specific outcome in your life—it’s about conspiring with God to surround yourself with love.

You can write the words you need for your specific situation. Or you can use a devotional book, the Psalms, or any other prayers or blessings you find that resonate with you. I’m currently using a book of devotions by Julia Cameron, Prayers to the Great Creator: Prayers and Declarations for a Meaningful Life. The first section is written like long affirmations—I randomly pick one each evening and say the words over myself with my hand on my heart. It feels so good, and keeps me believing in goodness regardless of whatever is going on in my life or in the world.

The World Needs Your Joy!

A holistic practitioner once encouraged me to sing regularly simply because of the joy it brings me. “You don’t need any other reason,” she told me. She talked about how powerful sound is and that if singing brings me joy, then I’m adding the vibration of my joy to the world just by engaging in it as a practice. “The world needs more joy!,” she said.

I couldn’t agree more. The world needs more joyful, peaceful, aware people who are connected with the One who loves them. Spiritual practices will connect us.

Art as Devotion, Morning Pages, Prayer, Spiritual Practice, Spirituality

My Favorite Spiritual Practices: Part I

Spiritual practices keep my soul tethered to what really matters. They keep me centered, offer healing when I need it, and remind me of the active and loving movement of God in my life. Every last one of these practices are always available to me and at no cost, which means that the ability to connect with God and center, calm, heal, and refresh myself is always within reach. This is truly empowering.

Even if you participate in institutionalized religion (attending services led by clergy, for example), it is so important to have spiritual practices that you participate in and have access to on your own. That you are not dependent on others as your ultimate source of spiritual nourishment and growth. If you do belong to a spiritual community, devoting yourself to personal spiritual practices will create a depth of connection in you that you can then contribute to that community. It’s all win-win.

Having a spiritual practice is a gift we give ourselves. A statement that we are worth the time to slow down and surrender, regularly. Loving ourselves is the ultimate statement of devotion to our Creator.

Here are some of my favorite forms of spiritual practice:

Morning Pages

Morning pages, as named by author Julia Cameron, were my first consistent, long-term and intentional spiritual practice. Three pages of longhand freewriting, done first thing in the morning. Morning pages helped me empty my mind of any concerns, learn more about myself, and over time, find deeper connection to God.

Morning pages changed my life and I won’t even try to explain how because I believe the process is quite mystical and special in a different way for each person who truly makes the commitment to it. I would say there is magic in doing morning pages, but maybe it is simply that God is always working and when we commit to paying attention closely and regularly, we become more aware of the “magic” happening in our lives.

Prayer

Talking to God, and listening. Turning to God as one would to a good friend, as if our concerns do matter to the Creator. Doing it regularly. Making it a way of life: “Pray without ceasing.” Surrender.

Some people like to speak their prayers aloud, some pray silently. Some find that writing their prayers feels best to them. (And art is prayer too: we can sing, dance, play, write, paint as prayer!)

Prayer is the opposite of control. It is a practice of letting go and letting something larger respond to our concerns with the ultimate balm: presence.

Dancing

I started dancing as a little girl, swinging my arms and pounding my feet to the beat of a live drum in African dance class. Remembering this recently, I decided to devote regular time to dancing freely. This dance practice was also inspired by a Five Rhythms workshop I attended.

I turn on the music (current soundtrack: Essential Djembe Rhythms by Budhi Harlow) and let my body flow and move how it wants to—there is so much freedom in this! As adults, we live with very controlled, composed bodies in daily life, which is the opposite of how we lived as children. Children run and skip and shout and move their bodies very freely. Devoting regular time to letting your body be, just letting it be free, is a true spiritual practice that brings joy, freedom, and ease.

Singing

I have also been singing for as long as I can remember. Every time I sing, I feel sweet release and freedom and I end up smiling and laughing regardless of how I felt when I started singing. When I sing, I surrender. I lose track of time and enter a space where it’s just me, the notes, and the silent spaces in between. Singing, when done with consistency, is a spiritual practice. Any serious, passionate musician understands this. And I believe that all musicians need to engage their practice regularly; it keeps us happy and connected to ourselves.

However, singing as a spiritual practice is not about getting notes right or giving your best performance; it’s about devoting regular time to this act for the sheer joy of it, and for the time with God. You can also pick specific songs of spiritual devotion and sing those – worship singing as spiritual practice. I’d have to write a whole post on that alone!

The Practice is Key

What makes a spiritual practice powerful is the practice. Commit to regular devotion through one of these practices and over time the practice will shape you. Reveal God to you. Reveal you to you. Center you, enlighten you, and if nothing else, give you a refuge whenever you need it.

Stay tuned for the rest of my favorite spiritual practices in my next post!